Jjimjilbang anyonye?

Warning: This post contains lots of references to nudity and none of it being the cool female kind.

Well for those of you wondering about the title and the warning, this post is all about my first experience in a Korean Jjimjilbang, which is a Korean bathhouse or sauna. Honestly I must warn you that you have to be very comfortable walking around naked because well, that's what you do there. Even if you're not naked, everyone else around you walks around naked as the day they were born. Luckily for those who are really shy the saunas are segregated by sex. Which sadly means that during all this nakedness you are enduring, all you see is penis. Yes, that's right folks lots and lots of it too. What makes it worse though, is being a foreigner and on top of that the only white foreigner in the sauna means that as soon as you walk into the sauna everyone stops for a second to stare at you. What can I say, we whities are rare here in Seosan.

Now many of you, including my father and sister are wondering why in god's name would you ever want to go wander around a naked sauna? Well, honestly when I came to Korea I wanted to experience as much of the culture as possible. Even if that means I have to sit naked in a room with a bunch of other dudes in the buff. Another reason for this experience would be the fact that for 5 bucks I left that sauna completely de-stressed, which that in itself was worth the experience. Now, onto the fun procedure and describing other things besides my hairy naked self. Sorry, I know that I could have done without that last comment, but seriously would you expect anything less of me?

After you have paid your admission fee and have found the proper floor, bear in mind that at this sauna you are not allowed on the naked female floor. DAMN. Wait, that's probably a good thing because something tells me that while I'd like to think that every gorgeous woman on that floor would be throwing themselves at the glistening naked foreigner with the body of a Greek god, lets be honest I'd probably get my ass beaten to a bloody pulp by all the enraged females. As you walk onto your floor, the first thing you do is promptly take off your shoes and store them in a locker. Hey guess what you don't even have to pay for the locker. It's included in the entrance cost. Next you receive a key to a different locker at which you get to store all of your valuables and clothing. Once again, no fee for the locker.



With your clothes and valuables stored in the locker, you get to begin that wonderful naked saunter across the room in front of ten to twenty naked strangers. After this glorious saunter, you come upon two double doors with the bathhouse and sauna's just beyond. You open the doors and are immediately assaulted by warm humid air. After the your fast adjustment to the interior environment, you walk over to a shower and take a quick shower. However, these showers are not taken standing, they are taken sitting. Yep that's right folks it's a sitting shower on a stool probably made for a two years old. After a quick shower you walk over to the first of many hot pools. The first hot pool is filled with bubbling, flowing ginseng water. The water is a paltry 39 degrees celsius. For those heathens amongst you who still use the outdated standard measurement system that water was simmering at a temperature of 102 degrees.




After spending several minutes in the ginseng hot pool you move to your choice of other hot pools, which are just regular water. These pools vary in temperature from 105-110 degrees. Not bad if I do say so myself. Now, here is where the fun begins. You have several more options from here. You can walk into several sauna's. The coolest of which has a low temperature of 131 degrees. The warmest of which 222 degrees. Yeah holy shit those sauna's are hot. I walked into two saunas and while standing around naked and sweating my ass off I found out that saunas are best when you only spend a short time in them. Lets just say that the second you walk in it's instant sweat. Not only is it instant sweat, but it's instant dripping sweat from every pore of your body. After my naked flight from the horrifically hot saunas I ran into the cool pools. These pools are a welcome 76 degrees, and after trying to bake myself in a sauna they felt wonderful. Included in these pools are several jets of water that allow you to target different parts of your body for some wonderful water jet pounding.



Now, while this may all seem like the local Y's swimming pool, let me continue on. If you want while you're in this bath house there are places for menthol massages and all kinds of other things that you can do, but I digress so let me get back into this wonderful exploration of Korean saunas. Well, there really isn't much left to do after you've sat in the cool pools, other then to shower again, dry off and get dressed. Yeah I know you were expecting some horrible description of myself getting a massage and smelling like vick's vapor rub for the rest of the night. Sorry didn't have the time. My buddy and I needed to get ourselves out to the bar. It was payday and the foreigners wanted some booze. When leaving through those same double doors you entered you are instantly accosted by the horrific feeling of cold air and your friends from down below are sent running for the cover of the north. I quickly dried myself and in a much more relaxed, although now cold state walked back to my locker to get dressed. We left about an hour after arriving at the sauna, and I have to say that I'm honestly headed back often. For five dollars I was completely de-stressed and honestly smelled pretty awesome. Who knows what I'll be up to next. The next few weeks offer some grand and horrifying experiences. I'm off to Daejon tonight, and then up to Seoul for a Wedding this weekend.

One Week In, A Retrospective.

Here I am, sitting at the only place I have internet access currently, work. I have been in Korea for only one single week, but I feel that it is necessary to offer this very early retrospective on my life here so far. There have been many things that I have learned, and most of them have had semi-painful/humiliating consequences.

1. When Koreans say something is really spicy, they mean it.



2. Pork Bulgogi is awesome. Imagine a dinner of Pork that you grill yourself at the table and eat in lettuce leafs. You add to this delightful meal by adding grilled garlic cloves, vegitables of some sort, and soy bean paste. It's awesome.

3. Korean School Lunches are ridiculous. I mean it, the first day of work I had crab soup as a side dish. Not only was it fresh crab soup, but it had large pieces of crab in it. There are no green corn dogs here.



4. When ordering Fried Chicken, it is best to take the advice of the owner that what you order is exceptionally spicy. I disregarded said statement and my colon paid for it dearly. On a side note it was absolutely wonderful Fried Chicken.

5. When walking about Seosan, always have a point of reference to where you're going. There are no maps here, but luckily you can walk across the town in under an hour.

6. Koreans are exceptionaly hospitable and polite people. I was going out to go do some shopping, and my Co-Teacher saw me and pulled me into a restaurant to have dinner with her and some other of my coworkers.

7. Do remember not to kick the partion between tables at a restaraunt. It is used to get the attention of the people at the table. Yet, when you do that at a table of single women, they think you're trying to hit on them. I was just being typical clumsy me, but their boyfriends were not as pleased. Typical lecherous American they thought.

8. Do not, I repeat do not go into a barbershop with two poles outside it. You will get your haircut, but you can also get FAR FAR more then that. Hello legalized prostitution.





9. Soju does horrible things to people. It made me goto a Nori-Bang. That's right I did Karaoke. Ohh god I can't sing but when one has drank much soju, it doesn't really matter. Not only did I goto the Nori-Bang but this is the list of the songs I sang with my Co-Teacher. My Heart Will Go on, Desperado, and Yesterday. They had a very limited selection of English music, and I think don't think that Rise Against or Korn would have gone over too well with my fellow teachers and my principals.

10. Soju tastes like watered down vodka. However, that does not stop the Koreans from doing shots of it wholesale.

11. On the note of drinking, I've done more shots of Soju in the past two days then I have done shots of anything in the past two years. Yikes!!!!! Thankfully I have a much higher tolerance to Alcohol then most the Korean's that I have met.

12. I have never been mobbed by students before, but I have been mobbed twice today by my Korean students. They are very happy that I am here.

13. I promise to get pictures up soon, I just have to get internet access at my apartment.

14. Walking around naked in your new apartment is fine, however forgetting to close your blinds scares old Korean ladies who happen to be looking in your general direction. Mental note keep blinds closed when changing.

15. Foreigners are rare in Seosan. I get looks of amazement every day as I come walking by. in fact several people want to stop and talk to me. I hope that I can live up to their expectations of what a foreigner is supposed to be, and not what most foreigners end up being.

16. When someone is pouring your drink, or you are asking for something/recieveing something do so with both hands. It is good manners in Korea to receive things with both hands.

17. All these reflections and musings can be completely changed in the following months. In short though, just remember when Koreans warn you about something being severely spicy, please listen. Your Colon and intestines will thank you.

The First Blog.....in country

Well folks it has begun. I am writing this blog from Seosan. The past few days have passed like a whirlwind. It has been seven days since I was in Chicago doing my interview, and now I find myself here. For those of you not in the know I left Thursday morning at 1:00 AM. It honestly the best international flight I've had except for the one that I got bumped up to business class. Then again until I experience first class travel on an international flight I probably never will live that experience down. Yet, this was an excellent flight. It started off with the simple joy that there was an empty space between myself and the other person in my row. Sheer bliss for those of you who have been sandwiched in on a 16 hour coach class flight. That is the first time I have ever had the seat next to me open on an international. I seriously did a happy dance when the plane started moving back and the seat next to me was empty.

After the glorious open seat, it was followed by an excellent choice in movies. I watched Iron Man, Run Fat Boy Run, Prince Caspian, and 30 minutes of Kung Fu Panda. The movie selection was also followed by the sheer joy of being served edible food. Normally international fare is decent, it's normally not good. Dinner on this night was a 6oz demi-glazed steak that was cooked perfectly medium rare. With all this glory, the best thing was that I slept on and off for about five hours. This is amazing, because I have been in Korea since 5:00 AM, and am not experiencing any, I say again ANY Jet lag. I don't know if its just waiting to ambush me in five hours, but as of now I'm excellent.

So what does one do when he arrives in Korea, at 5:00 AM on a Friday. Well if you're like me you get shuttled off onto two different buses and drive two hours to a city, that is truly off the beaten path. After arrival and a gloriously hot shower in which I washed 24 hours of travel off of my body I went exploring for an hour. It was here that I had my first pigeon English conversation. I was wandering a park when a nice old man who worked as a grounds keeper came up and asked me where I was from. I said one of the few Korean words I know Migok which means American. For those that have travelled this normally brings about one of two responses. The first is a look of disgust at which point they promptly begin to tell you why America sucks. The second, and the one I always enjoy are the people who want to know everything about you and where you're from. This old man, new almost no English, but I'm thinking he thanked me several times for America's intervention in Korea during the 1950's. I say this because he kept giving me the V for Victory sign and saying Victory to me and that he loved America. I felt awful because I could not communicate effectively with this man. I hope in months to come that I will learn more Korean so that I can talk to this man if I ever run into him again. It was truly unique.

Yeah, I know all of you are rolling your eyes at me right about now and saying that in three weeks you'll be sick of it. You're probably right too. I'll probably be sick and tired of it in three to four weeks, but this man's feelings were heartfelt and he just could not express them in a language that I could understand. Well, for now my dear friends and readers I bid you adieu.