Happy Anniversary

Considering I have a captive audience here I decided to take a brief moment out of my musings and diatribes on Korea to wish my parents a happy 27th Anniversary. Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad. May the next 27 years be filled with as much quilting and fishing as the previous 27 years. Maybe at the end of the next 27 years of marriage you'll finally get that boat.

Reasons Why Having Crazy Neighbors Is Annoying.

A list of why having North Korea as a neighbor really is annoying.

Number 10: Hearing the Looney Tunes theme drifting over the air every time you head near the DMZ.



Number 9: Outright devotion to the memory of Kim Il Sung. The follow quote is from the state biography of Kim Jong Il:

"Comrade Kim Il Sung was a thinker, theoretician, politician and military strategist who preformed outstanding exploits for the Korean and world revolution, as well as for the times and mankind."

Wow. here I thought all he did was start a war and then beg China and Russia to save him when he screwed it up.

Number 8: The North Korean Mass Games. While this may sound like something that would be really cool to participate in, in honesty it takes the form of a large, and I do mean large, gymnastics show.



Yes, this is also the propaganda video for the event. The saddest part is that this event, is the highlight of the year for North Korea. How do you know this, for the simple fact that Americans are only allowed to visit North Korea during this time. When the nation is filled with back flipping, leotard wearing, nationalistic minions. Wait, the country is always filled with nationalistic minions. Anyone for the Iron Lotus?



For those of you that don't know that was a clip from the movie Blades of Glory. It's a comedy about Ice Skating. If you don't like Will Ferrel movies then I strongly suggest you don't watch this movie.

Number 7: Constant distortion of the truth. North Korea has this habit of constantly saying things that are completely and utterly untrue. Take for example their "satellite" launch. North Korea claims that their bird is currently in orbit broadcasting patriotic tunes and carrying the image of Kim Il Sung the eternal leader. Reality, the thing crashed into the Pacific. More importantly, if North Korea was going to launch a satellite, why in gods name would it broadcast patriotic tunes. 95% of North Koreans wouldn't be able to hear it anyways because they live in a country so backwards and repressed that the Taliban look like Nancy Pelosi compared to them. If they were going to launch a satellite it would be for military purposes and no other reason. How do I know this, because the country cannot even feed its people, the only thing that gets any money at all in North Korea, is the military.

Number 6: Screwing up my weekend plans. I was supposed to go paintballing this weekend, but no. North Korea had to go blow up a nuke and shut down the paintball fields on the American military bases. They were now needed for training as all the military in the region had been placed on high alert. Thanks North Korea, your stupidity and brinkmanship screwed up what promised to be a great weekend.

Number 5: Scaring my family and friends. The sad thing about this is, that I know how this is all getting reported back in the United States. They're talking about how the military is on high alert, how the peninsula is gearing up for war, and how the UN will once again fail to do anything of any significance to punish North Korea. The news in South Korea however had more to do with covering the funeral of the ex-President of South Korea who killed himself by jumping into a ravine near his home. He was under investigation on corruption charges and there was likely to be an indictment soon. His brother is currently in jail for corruption. Yes, what North Korea did is scary, but it's part of living here in this country. They take it in stride and continue to live their lives.

Number 4: Every time the fruit vendor drives by I wonder if it's the police telling everyone that North Korea finally attacked. Here in Seosan, and I'm rather certain across Korea fruit vendor drive by in trucks with their loudspeakers on. They are trying to entice people to come out and by their goods. However, when you don't speak the language and are used to the fact that only bad news comes across a loud speaker, it does get a bit disconcerting.



Number 3: The State Biography of Kim Jong Il. Honestly if you have ever spent any time reading this thing you cannot help but laugh. For starters the stated date and place of his birth are wrong. They claim that he as born in a super secret military encampment on the holiest mountain in Korea. What's really funny is that he was actually born in China where his father was fighting the Japanese. What is even more ridiculous is the fact that the biography reads like it was written by a 13 year old who is completely obsessed, and I mean Glenn Close obsessed.



Number 2: The idea that someone as crazy as Kim Jong Il actually has his finger on a button. I think that is the scariest part of living so close to North Korea. Knowing that someone who really is not that mentally stable has not only a 1.6 million man standing army, but also an entire arsenal of chemical, biological, and probably nuclear weapons. The other thing is, if push comes to shove on this peninsula, I'm scared he'll actually use them.



Number 1: It is utterly impossible to find any Daffy Duck merchandise on the peninsula. Kim Jong Il is one of the worlds largest collectors of Daffy Duck paraphernalia. I'm not even joking. It's scary to think that one of the most isolated and disturbing regimes in the world is run by a man who is so insane that he collects Daffy Duck merch and has run his country even further into the ground then his father.



I feel the need to state now that at no point does this post represent anything besides the personal feelings I have towards having North Korea as a neighbor.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day, May 25th, 2009. For some reason, today I find myself being hit with the true meaning of Memorial Day. Maybe the fact that I am at work on this day has something to do with. Well honestly I've worked the past five or six Memorial Days so I don't think that has anything to do with it. I realize that for most Americans Memorial Day is an excuse to have a three day weekend right before the start of June. For others it's an excuse to have a BBQ and drink some beer. Yet, I find myself wondering today how many people know the true meaning of Memorial Day? Is it a day for great sales and patriotism, no. There is no patriotism requirement for today. Patriotism is often misconstrued with what today is about. There is no law stating you must fly a flag or listen to Toby Keith.

I remember as a child my favorite part about Memorial Day was that TNT would show old war movies. Some of my favorite movies are still Battle of the Bulge, Midway, Tora! Tora! Tora!, and The Green Berets. As I grew older it was a day for a BBQ and swimming. While I was in college it turned into a day I either spent working or traveling. For many people the day is spent in various different pursuits. Some play golf, some visit friends, some visit family. Where they visit their family is as different as each and every one of us. For most, today is a happy day.

For others though, today is a sad day. Today is the day they remember their friends, their fathers, their sons. This is what we truly honor today. Not the sales or the BBQs, but the men and women who gave the last full measure in service to our country. The men and women who can only be remembered in pictures, videos, and the memories we cherish. Today is the day where fathers and mothers mourn their children. Most Americans will go throughout the entire day without giving a seconds thought to who has sacrificed everything so that we may live today. I pause today and I am grateful.

I am forever grateful for the sacrifices of ordinary citizens and the battles they waged. I think about the fields of Saratoga in New York. I see a group of motley clad soldiers in New Orleans. I see the men charging a stone wall across a long green field in Pennsylvania. I watch the Marine at Belleau Wood digging his hole and praying he'll be able to walk out whenever its over. I bear witness for the men who stubbornly held in the frozen woods of Bastogne. I am surrounded by the memory of the men who fought and died in the Pusan Perimeter. I see the shattered city of Hue and pray our country has learned to support those who fight, even if they don't agree with why. I remember not seeing my father for most of a year and just hoping that Saddam didn't know what he was doing. I remember watching men roll into Iraq, and wondering how many of them I knew.

Today is the day for all Americans, to stop and be grateful, even if for the briefest of moments. Today is the day to say a prayer to whomever you call god, and say thank you for the bravery of those who died in the name of our country. It is a truly a day for giving thanks. Whether it is for the men and women you never met or for the son who last thoughts were of his parents as he lay dying in a foreign country. We stop today to remember all those who make it possible to have our BBQs and our Sales. We honor the dead and those who serve our country today, because it is the least we can do. So pause today, if only for a moment, and bow your head. Think about everything and everyone who has made America possible. Think about what it has cost our country to be a beacon for the world. All you have to say now are two simple words, Thank you.

A Night I Won't Soon Forget.

My liver and head having recovered from this weekend, I guess it's time I blog about my Birthday. The simplest way I can describe how I feel right now is overwhelmed. Very rarely have I ever felt this way because of my birthday, but the sheer outpouring of love and adulation is enough to honestly make me speechless. Wait, wait, maybe adulation is not the correct word here. My friends weren't worshiping the very ground I walked on, they were simply worshiping being in my presence. No, that's not right either. Honestly, it was an absolutely amazing night and I was so lucky to be surrounded by my friends here in Korea. I still cannot think of how to adequately thank them, and probably will not know for a long time.

Alas, enough of this blubbering, onto the party. The night started at 7 at one of my favorite Korean BBQ places here in Seosan. Now, this is a small restaurant and can probably only hold about 40 diners. We brought 15 people and were the largest and loudest crowd they have probably had in quite some time. Needless to say we partially took over the place and spent the next two hours eating, drinking, and engaging in merriment. The highlight of our time here was not the giant bowl of beer and soju that my friends made me chug, but the gift I received from my friends. They bought me a Nikon Coolpix s220 digital camera. They had asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I had been joking around telling them that I needed a camera. I never in my wildest dreams thought they'd actually buy me one. It was an absolutely awesome gift and I am still rather speechless.

After terrorizing this small restaurant for two hours we meandered on down to a nice local Norae Bang. We spent the next hour or so singing songs and eating an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins. Now, in Korea, on your birthday people will continually smear whip cream on your face. I have included pictures of said moments. After singing our hearts out in a generally loud and tone deaf style we proceeded to hit one of my two favorite bars in Seosan. Off to RnB we headed for what promised to be an excellent portion of the night. I was not wrong.

The people who work at RnB are not only people whose establishment I frequent, but they are also good friends. I was treated as such on Saturday. Normally, if you tell the people there that it is someones birthday they will put on a small show and give that person a free drink. Yet, with me, they pulled out all the stops and proceeded to do what amounted to a ten minute show. It began with every pyromaniacs dream, two large fireballs of 151 and flames dancing across a table.nnThis was followed by Paul doing a dance while mixing a drink and tossing it all over the place. Now it wasn't Tom Cruise in Cocktail, but it was pretty damn close. After Paul's awesome display it was Panda's turn to do his thing. Panda at RnB is known for doing dance numbers and well needless to say he did not disappoint. If this was not enough already it was followed by Jenny bringing me out a small cake and the entire place rocking out to a Korean version of Happy Birthday. After blowing out the candles I was treated to a beer bath from a stranger on the second deck of RnB.

Finally you might be thinking that I could sit down and relax, but now, there was still more spotlight time required by me. I should mention now that Waibi (pronounce Y B) and Paul have been trying to hook me and Jenny up for quite some time. Paul walked came up and told me that I had to go dance with Jenny. Now I think it should go without mentioning that my dancing skills are not that great, but dance away we did. Thoroughly embarrassed by the spectacle of me dancing I was hoping to beat a hasty retreat and find comfort back in the relative ambiguity of our table, but no. The final act of the show was a Korean Love Shot with Jenny. Whether this was her idea or not I do not know, but what I do know was that instead of the standard intertwined arms it was arms around the neck. Basically I was giving her a hug and downing a glass of something that I don't know what it was. This was followed by a kiss on the cheek and then I was allowed to sit down and relax.

A little later, and after being dragged off to another place for a few drinks with Seung Hee's friends I walked back into RnB to have a drink with Jenny. Shortly after the drink finished those who were still standing at 1 in the morning, and I must say the pack was starting to thin out moved on to CC Bar. CC Bar is another place here in Seosan that I frequent and consider the people who work there my friends. We stayed at CC bar until 4 AM and then proceeded to go find a noodle shop to have some food. By this point the pack had greatly thinned out to me and primarily all Koreans. Well in honesty it was me and only Koreans at this point because even though David is an American he was born in Korea. We had even picked up Nari who is a bartender at CC Bar. After enjoying some noodles and honestly sobering up a little bit, we walked down to another restaurant to have some Soju and eat a little bit more. Well, by this time I was done drinking and the only reason I was still out was because I had told my friends my goal was not to go to bed until the sun came up. At 6 AM, I met that goal and then finally after a very long night went home and proceeded to sleep until the world was back on the right axis. That took a lot of sleep.

Honestly, the Birthday party that I had on Saturday is one of the best parties I have ever been to for anyones birthday. It's just strange to think that it was for my birthday. I am still overwhelmed by the outpouring of appreciation from my friends and I guess it goes to still show that if you live your life the right way, people will notice. It's just a rare thing when people you respect actually turn around and show you how much they respect you. I think that was the best present of all. The camera is amazing, but to see how your friends truly feel is a rare thing, a rare thing indeed.

One Long Weekend

Man, I can tell you several things that this past weekend has made me grateful for. First, I have access to military establishments here in Korea and can go do some shopping there. This is important because those establishments carry things that I cannot buy here in Korea, but need here in Korea. For example, good deodorant. Which with the coming summer I have a feeling will become increasingly more essential.

Secondly, I still love spending time with people in the military. I have often found throughout the years of my life that you generally find two types of military personnel. Those that are ass holes and you want nothing to do with. See Navy Seals and Jarheads. Well, I must say I have known some great people who were Marines. I have also know some complete jerks. The second type, are people who you want to develop friendships with. They are people who have certain values and morals that you want to associate with. I find this group to be some of the finest people I have ever met. This probably also has something to do with the fact that I was brought up in an Air Force family. Yet, still these are people who would give you the shirt off their back without a second thought.

Thirdly, I am glad there is no U.S. military presence in Seosan. Unfortunately the nightlife changes significantly when there are U.S. military personnel nearby. Enter the Juicy Girls. For those of you who don't know what a Juicy Girl is, I'll explain it in brief. These are girls whose soul occupation is to sit at a bar and get guys to buy her drinks. Now what makes this even more annoying is that they have to ask you constantly to buy them a drink. CONSTANTLY. They ask one person, then another, then another. All for a exceptionally watered down and overpriced drink. This changes the culture at a bar so much to where if you are white, you feel like you constantly have a target on your back. Juicy Girls are also women who are stuck in a no win situation. They are practically owned by the bar, and most of them hate their job. In fact I view this as a form of indentured servitude. Thankfully this doesn't exist in Seosan.

Fourth, poker is still a great way to spend a night. Actually poker was the reason for my trip down to Waegwan. Why Waegwan you may ask, well because that is where Camp Carrol is. David's brother invited us to join a small poker tournament and to go down and spend some time with him. The poker tourney was not for beginning poker players, and I wish I could report that I had played better, but I didn't. I had cold cards all night. I didn't place in the tourney, but given the chance to go back down there and play again, I can place. Yet, still for about the cost of a meal and drinks, I can go and play cards for 7-8 hours and have a great time.

This weekend was a good weekend. It takes about 6 hours to get to Waegwan from Seosan. Waegwan is a small town about 30 minutes North of Daegu. We arrived in Waegwan around 10 on Friday night and proceeded to obtain our billet for the two evenings we would be staying in Waegwan. After a quick shower and a bite to eat we headed out to a couple of bars to have a good time. The evening ended at about 4 in the morning when we finally realized that we had to be up at 8 the next morning to head into Daegu. The morning arrived all to soon and the only thing that made the morning worth while was the absolutely horrible, yet wonderful, Burger King breakfast. Ohh yes, Burger King breakfast. This is the first Burger King I have had since I came to Korea. I've only eaten at McDonalds twice in Korea.

We sauntered into Daegu a little past 10 and proceed to take a cab to Woobang Land. Woobang Land is a small amusement park that is designed for kids. The reason we were headed there was for Woobang Tower. Every major city in Korea has a tower associated with it. There is one in Seoul, Busan, and Daegu for sure. The tower in Daegu however has something called the Sky Jump on it. This is a platform 78 floors from the base of the tower where you are allowed to walk out and fall to the ground. It is a controlled descent of course, but still tis rather terrifying to think about. Did I do it, no. There was a weight limit on this and I sadly was under the weight limit. However, the scale at the place was heavy by 7 Kilograms. I weighed myself last week in Seosan and I weighed 113 KG. I weighed myself in Daegu and I was 120 KG. You don't gain 15 pounds in one week. Sadly I had to watch both David and Mark take the plunge, all the while thankful that I couldn't go, and sad that I couldn't participate.

When Mark and David had finished their brushes with death, we proceeded to eat an exceptional lunch. I'm ashamed to admit it, but all three of us had Surf and Turf. Yeah, we had Steak and Lobster in Korea. It was expensive but ohh so worth it. After lunch we wandered around the tower and then Woobang Land. We stopped to ride one of the rides, and after lunch that was a stupid idea. Luckily the ride stopped before my stomach decided that the frantic back and forth motion really wasn't helping digestion and that my stomach should expedite the process of evacuating lunch through the quickest means possible. Luckily that didn't happen. We headed back to Waegwan around 4 in the afternoon. After a quick nap and another quick shower, it was off to play poker for the rest of the evening.

I didn't do great during the Tourney, but I proved to myself in the cash game that I could play with these people when my cards finally turned. I would have walked away almost doubling my buy in for the cash game, except for the fact that I played one hand that took a good chunk of my money. It was late, I was tired, and David just outplayed me on the hand. Ohh well. Alas our hero walked out of the poker hall with a smile on his face. On our way back to the Motel, David and I stopped at the Country Kitchen to pick up some food. Fried Chicken, BBQ Ribs, French Fries, and Orange Soda. Talk about some comfort food. The ribs were actually some of the best ribs I've had in a long time. The meat was tender and falling off the bone. The sauce was ok, but the job this place did cooking the ribs was off the charts. The food was so good that the following morning David and I went back there for breakfast.

The most important part of this weekend was not the shopping, nor the poker, nor staring death in the face. It was having a good time with good people, and also the fact that I picked up a football down there to play with here in Seosan. Ohh yeah, It's time to get some football going here in the middle of nowhere Korea.

David's Birthday and another beach to boot.

Well, here we are. Tax Day. Luckily I'm not going to bore you with the facts about my 1040EZ or anything like that. What we're here to talk about today was David's birthday. For those of you that don't know, David is a good friend of mine here in Korea. I like to joke that David is the whitest guy in Seosan. I say this in total jest, not because it incorrect, but because it's entirely possible. David is a 교포 (gyopo) or a Korean who lives abroad. He was born in Korea, but raised in Bloomington, Illinois. This just happens to be about 40 minutes from where my parents currently live, and needless to say is still a little weird. Well, it was the old man's birthday. We like to kid around and call him an old man because he just turned 35. I call him 할아버지 (haraboji) which means grandfather. I know I'm soon to be less then a decade away from that age, but still that's what he gets for hanging out with a bunch of 25 year olds.

Alas, David's birthday was an absolute success. We met over at our friend Seung Hee's apartment and cooked up a Mexican storm. We had some delicious Mexican food and polished off a bottle of Jager, Patron, and Tanqueray. We also had about 36 jello shots made with soju. Before too many of you freak out this was consumed by 12 people between 7 and 11:30 PM. After this epic feast and drink, we headed off to David's true Korean love, the 노래방 (norae bang). A norae bang roughly translated means singing room. That's right, David loves him some karaoke. When we arrived at the norae bang we were quickly ushered into a room that included Seung Hee's mother and friends. Now these older ladies, well, they were rather drunk. Several of them were very insistent about pouring alcohol, even when there was no cup to pour it into. Drew had to tell one of them at least seven times that she couldn't pour him alcohol because he didn't have a cup. This did not deter her from attempting to pour the Whiskey into his lap.

After the wonderful cougar maulings that repeatedly happened during the norae bang, of which somehow I escaped unscathed, we headed off to CC Bar. CC Bar is one of our favorite bars here in Seosan due to the fact that the staff are pretty awesome and they are our friends. Nevertheless, after spending a few hours there playing pool, darts, and generally just being obnoxious towards each other it was time to move onto RnB. RnB is probably our second favorite bar in Seosan, for more or less the same exact reasons. We arrived at RnB at 2:30 in the morning and quickly got back down to the business of playing darts and drinking. During this time I started watching David's older brother Mark try and work his game on some of the female companionship we had with us. What I hate to say was so funny about this whole thing was that it was like watching a carbon copy of David. David, I love the guy, but once he's had a few drinks in him, he tends to loose some of the subtleties that are required when wooing the opposite sex. I almost wanted to grab David and have him sit down and watch his brother work, just so he would know the type of things that he did.

We meandered out of RnB at about 4 in the morning and then walked across the street to get some late night 갈비탕 (Kalbi Tang) or awesome beef soup. This stuff includes huge chunks of beef on the bone in a spicy broth. It's epic, I mean absolutely epic soup. Most people I know who have been to Korea and went back home are dying for this stuff. I know that when I return home I will either have to learn to make this, or find a place I can buy it. It's that good. Finally, around 5 in the morning we disbanded our little party and went home to get some much needed sleep. The next day would involve a trip to go walk along a beach.

After waking at noon I started organizing the second half of our weekend. This involved going to one of the local beaches which I cannot remember the name of. Honestly, the beach was not that impressive or at least not till I walked out to the point. The thing that I've found I love about the beaches here is that they are more like very large coves. If you walk to one end of the beach you can go climb out on some rocks and actually place yourself in a pretty serene environment. It's something I look forward to doing more of in the coming months. We returned from the beach and all went our separate ways. The only plan was to meet later in the evening for a few drinks at RnB and then have an early night.

Well, that was the plan. Needless to say it didn't happen that way. Andrew, Myonghwa (Andrew's GF), and I met for dinner at 9:40. After eating some good Korean BBQ we strolled our way down to RnB. 30 minutes after arriving there, all hell broke loose. A swarm of 외국인 (waygookin) or foreigners descended upon RnB. We're talking around 40 people here. It was nuts, they completely took over the place and we partied hard. We had people dancing on tables and just English everywhere. I can say with quite a lot of certainty that never before had something been seen like this in Seosan. There have been foreigner gatherings before, but this involved almost the entire foreign community of not only Seosan, but the surrounding towns. We danced and talked and drank our way into the morning. After terrifying my friends behind the bar, the swarm moved on to Roma. Roma is the local nightclub, and if you've ever been to a nightclub then you know what this is like. Loud music, warm temperature, and bad dancing.

Roma is quite surreal. Add the standard nightclub vibe back home, but add in bad Korean pop music, stage shows that are ok, a DJ who stops the music every 30 seconds to shout something in Korean, and ohh yeah, synchronized dance moves on the floor. It reminds me so much of high school when you had the boys who thought it would be cool to memorize the dance to BYE BYE BYE. Then, when the song comes on, bust it out and think they'll get girls that way. Yeah, this has happened several times I've been at Roma. I turn around and there are three or four Korean women (sometimes men, but normally women) doing the exact same dance, regardless if they are on beat or not. This time, I turned around and saw two women, practically River Dancing. I laughed, audibly, and noticeably and then walked off the floor. Once again 5 AM rolled in, and I took off. Home to the wonderful feel of my bed, and the knowledge that I could sleep as long as I wanted.

That was till construction started on my building at 8 AM. That however is another story, for another time.

Foreigner Therapy.

Expat therapy. The question comes about so often when I am talking to people back home about life in Korea, "How do you cope with being a foreigner?" Well honestly, it takes some time, some good friends, and alcohol to learn how to cope effectively. The most important thing is having good friends. Without good friends, and as much as I hate to say this, but good native English speaking friends your time draws out like a knife. You need to be able to interact, tell jokes, speak in slang, and generally just speak at full speed. So often you are worried about the words you are using in English because if you do not use the basic adjective or verb Koreans might not know what you're using.

It is a tough line to walk between making your language to simple, and speaking normally. On one hand you feel like your talking to a mentally handicapped adult, on the other hand you get blank stares followed by thirty minutes of explanation. You just need time to be amongst people where you can say "man I totally bombed my lessons today." To quote Drew "It's important." Yet, I've found quite possibly the true reason for foreigner gatherings here in Korea. It is a form of group therapy. Yes, it normally involves alcohol, not always, but normally. The other thing it involves is tons of humor about your current situation in life. As bad as it makes us we constantly make fun of our students. Anyone who has spent any time as a teacher, knows that when teachers are in the lunch room, they are talking about the stupid things their students have done that day.

Well, we do much the same here in Korea. We are constantly speaking in "Konglish." For those of you who don't know what that is, it is the same thing as "Spanglish." Basically it's a mixture of bad English pronunciation and Korean. These words often have the long vowel sound E at the end of them. Take for example finish. The Konglish equivalent of finish is "Finishee." Another example would be the word which. Which if you haven't guessed by now is turned into the ever present "whichee." Now before you think that this only happens with words that end in H let me give you some other examples: Out becomes "Oush", Hello becomes "herrow", Fish becomes "Pish", Mart becomes "martu", Cheese becomes "cheesuh", Pizza becomes "pisuh", etc. etc. etc. Needless to say, it becomes very easy for foreigners when in a gathering to start saying this words out of jest for the bastardization of their language. Ohh well. Needless to say, this therapy also happens to take form in the making of videos, blogs, and cartoons. Here are a few of the best examples.