Saturday, May 30, 2009

Reasons Why Having Crazy Neighbors Is Annoying.

A list of why having North Korea as a neighbor really is annoying.

Number 10: Hearing the Looney Tunes theme drifting over the air every time you head near the DMZ.



Number 9: Outright devotion to the memory of Kim Il Sung. The follow quote is from the state biography of Kim Jong Il:

"Comrade Kim Il Sung was a thinker, theoretician, politician and military strategist who preformed outstanding exploits for the Korean and world revolution, as well as for the times and mankind."

Wow. here I thought all he did was start a war and then beg China and Russia to save him when he screwed it up.

Number 8: The North Korean Mass Games. While this may sound like something that would be really cool to participate in, in honesty it takes the form of a large, and I do mean large, gymnastics show.



Yes, this is also the propaganda video for the event. The saddest part is that this event, is the highlight of the year for North Korea. How do you know this, for the simple fact that Americans are only allowed to visit North Korea during this time. When the nation is filled with back flipping, leotard wearing, nationalistic minions. Wait, the country is always filled with nationalistic minions. Anyone for the Iron Lotus?



For those of you that don't know that was a clip from the movie Blades of Glory. It's a comedy about Ice Skating. If you don't like Will Ferrel movies then I strongly suggest you don't watch this movie.

Number 7: Constant distortion of the truth. North Korea has this habit of constantly saying things that are completely and utterly untrue. Take for example their "satellite" launch. North Korea claims that their bird is currently in orbit broadcasting patriotic tunes and carrying the image of Kim Il Sung the eternal leader. Reality, the thing crashed into the Pacific. More importantly, if North Korea was going to launch a satellite, why in gods name would it broadcast patriotic tunes. 95% of North Koreans wouldn't be able to hear it anyways because they live in a country so backwards and repressed that the Taliban look like Nancy Pelosi compared to them. If they were going to launch a satellite it would be for military purposes and no other reason. How do I know this, because the country cannot even feed its people, the only thing that gets any money at all in North Korea, is the military.

Number 6: Screwing up my weekend plans. I was supposed to go paintballing this weekend, but no. North Korea had to go blow up a nuke and shut down the paintball fields on the American military bases. They were now needed for training as all the military in the region had been placed on high alert. Thanks North Korea, your stupidity and brinkmanship screwed up what promised to be a great weekend.

Number 5: Scaring my family and friends. The sad thing about this is, that I know how this is all getting reported back in the United States. They're talking about how the military is on high alert, how the peninsula is gearing up for war, and how the UN will once again fail to do anything of any significance to punish North Korea. The news in South Korea however had more to do with covering the funeral of the ex-President of South Korea who killed himself by jumping into a ravine near his home. He was under investigation on corruption charges and there was likely to be an indictment soon. His brother is currently in jail for corruption. Yes, what North Korea did is scary, but it's part of living here in this country. They take it in stride and continue to live their lives.

Number 4: Every time the fruit vendor drives by I wonder if it's the police telling everyone that North Korea finally attacked. Here in Seosan, and I'm rather certain across Korea fruit vendor drive by in trucks with their loudspeakers on. They are trying to entice people to come out and by their goods. However, when you don't speak the language and are used to the fact that only bad news comes across a loud speaker, it does get a bit disconcerting.



Number 3: The State Biography of Kim Jong Il. Honestly if you have ever spent any time reading this thing you cannot help but laugh. For starters the stated date and place of his birth are wrong. They claim that he as born in a super secret military encampment on the holiest mountain in Korea. What's really funny is that he was actually born in China where his father was fighting the Japanese. What is even more ridiculous is the fact that the biography reads like it was written by a 13 year old who is completely obsessed, and I mean Glenn Close obsessed.



Number 2: The idea that someone as crazy as Kim Jong Il actually has his finger on a button. I think that is the scariest part of living so close to North Korea. Knowing that someone who really is not that mentally stable has not only a 1.6 million man standing army, but also an entire arsenal of chemical, biological, and probably nuclear weapons. The other thing is, if push comes to shove on this peninsula, I'm scared he'll actually use them.



Number 1: It is utterly impossible to find any Daffy Duck merchandise on the peninsula. Kim Jong Il is one of the worlds largest collectors of Daffy Duck paraphernalia. I'm not even joking. It's scary to think that one of the most isolated and disturbing regimes in the world is run by a man who is so insane that he collects Daffy Duck merch and has run his country even further into the ground then his father.



I feel the need to state now that at no point does this post represent anything besides the personal feelings I have towards having North Korea as a neighbor.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Memorial Day

Memorial Day, May 25th, 2009. For some reason, today I find myself being hit with the true meaning of Memorial Day. Maybe the fact that I am at work on this day has something to do with. Well honestly I've worked the past five or six Memorial Days so I don't think that has anything to do with it. I realize that for most Americans Memorial Day is an excuse to have a three day weekend right before the start of June. For others it's an excuse to have a BBQ and drink some beer. Yet, I find myself wondering today how many people know the true meaning of Memorial Day? Is it a day for great sales and patriotism, no. There is no patriotism requirement for today. Patriotism is often misconstrued with what today is about. There is no law stating you must fly a flag or listen to Toby Keith.

I remember as a child my favorite part about Memorial Day was that TNT would show old war movies. Some of my favorite movies are still Battle of the Bulge, Midway, Tora! Tora! Tora!, and The Green Berets. As I grew older it was a day for a BBQ and swimming. While I was in college it turned into a day I either spent working or traveling. For many people the day is spent in various different pursuits. Some play golf, some visit friends, some visit family. Where they visit their family is as different as each and every one of us. For most, today is a happy day.

For others though, today is a sad day. Today is the day they remember their friends, their fathers, their sons. This is what we truly honor today. Not the sales or the BBQs, but the men and women who gave the last full measure in service to our country. The men and women who can only be remembered in pictures, videos, and the memories we cherish. Today is the day where fathers and mothers mourn their children. Most Americans will go throughout the entire day without giving a seconds thought to who has sacrificed everything so that we may live today. I pause today and I am grateful.

I am forever grateful for the sacrifices of ordinary citizens and the battles they waged. I think about the fields of Saratoga in New York. I see a group of motley clad soldiers in New Orleans. I see the men charging a stone wall across a long green field in Pennsylvania. I watch the Marine at Belleau Wood digging his hole and praying he'll be able to walk out whenever its over. I bear witness for the men who stubbornly held in the frozen woods of Bastogne. I am surrounded by the memory of the men who fought and died in the Pusan Perimeter. I see the shattered city of Hue and pray our country has learned to support those who fight, even if they don't agree with why. I remember not seeing my father for most of a year and just hoping that Saddam didn't know what he was doing. I remember watching men roll into Iraq, and wondering how many of them I knew.

Today is the day for all Americans, to stop and be grateful, even if for the briefest of moments. Today is the day to say a prayer to whomever you call god, and say thank you for the bravery of those who died in the name of our country. It is a truly a day for giving thanks. Whether it is for the men and women you never met or for the son who last thoughts were of his parents as he lay dying in a foreign country. We stop today to remember all those who make it possible to have our BBQs and our Sales. We honor the dead and those who serve our country today, because it is the least we can do. So pause today, if only for a moment, and bow your head. Think about everything and everyone who has made America possible. Think about what it has cost our country to be a beacon for the world. All you have to say now are two simple words, Thank you.

Monday, May 4, 2009

A Night I Won't Soon Forget.



My liver and head having recovered from this weekend, I guess it's time I blog about my Birthday. The simplest way I can describe how I feel right now is overwhelmed. Very rarely have I ever felt this way because of my birthday, but the sheer outpouring of love and adulation is enough to honestly make me speechless. Wait, wait, maybe adulation is not the correct word here. My friends weren't worshiping the very ground I walked on, they were simply worshiping being in my presence. No, that's not right either. Honestly, it was an absolutely amazing night and I was so lucky to be surrounded by my friends here in Korea. I still cannot think of how to adequately thank them, and probably will not know for a long time.

Alas, enough of this blubbering, onto the party. The night started at 7 at one of my favorite Korean BBQ places here in Seosan. Now, this is a small restaurant and can probably only hold about 40 diners. We brought 15 people and were the largest and loudest crowd they have probably had in quite some time. Needless to say we partially took over the place and spent the next two hours eating, drinking, and engaging in merriment. The highlight of our time here was not the giant bowl of beer and soju that my friends made me chug, but the gift I received from my friends. They bought me a Nikon Coolpix s220 digital camera. They had asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I had been joking around telling them that I needed a camera. I never in my wildest dreams thought they'd actually buy me one. It was an absolutely awesome gift and I am still rather speechless.

After terrorizing this small restaurant for two hours we meandered on down to a nice local Norae Bang. We spent the next hour or so singing songs and eating an ice cream cake from Baskin Robbins. Now, in Korea, on your birthday people will continually smear whip cream on your face. I have included pictures of said moments. After singing our hearts out in a generally loud and tone deaf style we proceeded to hit one of my two favorite bars in Seosan. Off to RnB we headed for what promised to be an excellent portion of the night. I was not wrong.

The people who work at RnB are not only people whose establishment I frequent, but they are also good friends. I was treated as such on Saturday. Normally, if you tell the people there that it is someones birthday they will put on a small show and give that person a free drink. Yet, with me, they pulled out all the stops and proceeded to do what amounted to a ten minute show. It began with every pyromaniacs dream, two large fireballs of 151 and flames dancing across a table.nnThis was followed by Paul doing a dance while mixing a drink and tossing it all over the place. Now it wasn't Tom Cruise in Cocktail, but it was pretty damn close. After Paul's awesome display it was Panda's turn to do his thing. Panda at RnB is known for doing dance numbers and well needless to say he did not disappoint. If this was not enough already it was followed by Jenny bringing me out a small cake and the entire place rocking out to a Korean version of Happy Birthday. After blowing out the candles I was treated to a beer bath from a stranger on the second deck of RnB.

Finally you might be thinking that I could sit down and relax, but now, there was still more spotlight time required by me. I should mention now that Waibi (pronounce Y B) and Paul have been trying to hook me and Jenny up for quite some time. Paul walked came up and told me that I had to go dance with Jenny. Now I think it should go without mentioning that my dancing skills are not that great, but dance away we did. Thoroughly embarrassed by the spectacle of me dancing I was hoping to beat a hasty retreat and find comfort back in the relative ambiguity of our table, but no. The final act of the show was a Korean Love Shot with Jenny. Whether this was her idea or not I do not know, but what I do know was that instead of the standard intertwined arms it was arms around the neck. Basically I was giving her a hug and downing a glass of something that I don't know what it was. This was followed by a kiss on the cheek and then I was allowed to sit down and relax.

A little later, and after being dragged off to another place for a few drinks with Seung Hee's friends I walked back into RnB to have a drink with Jenny. Shortly after the drink finished those who were still standing at 1 in the morning, and I must say the pack was starting to thin out moved on to CC Bar. CC Bar is another place here in Seosan that I frequent and consider the people who work there my friends. We stayed at CC bar until 4 AM and then proceeded to go find a noodle shop to have some food. By this point the pack had greatly thinned out to me and primarily all Koreans. Well in honesty it was me and only Koreans at this point because even though David is an American he was born in Korea. We had even picked up Nari who is a bartender at CC Bar. After enjoying some noodles and honestly sobering up a little bit, we walked down to another restaurant to have some Soju and eat a little bit more. Well, by this time I was done drinking and the only reason I was still out was because I had told my friends my goal was not to go to bed until the sun came up. At 6 AM, I met that goal and then finally after a very long night went home and proceeded to sleep until the world was back on the right axis. That took a lot of sleep.

Honestly, the Birthday party that I had on Saturday is one of the best parties I have ever been to for anyones birthday. It's just strange to think that it was for my birthday. I am still overwhelmed by the outpouring of appreciation from my friends and I guess it goes to still show that if you live your life the right way, people will notice. It's just a rare thing when people you respect actually turn around and show you how much they respect you. I think that was the best present of all. The camera is amazing, but to see how your friends truly feel is a rare thing, a rare thing indeed.